This year has more jobs than I've seen in the last three, and already I am long-listing it.
I feel really good about getting a job this year, which means when I don't, I'll be devastated!
As the stress builds again this year, I am reminded of the horrors I went through last year. Nose bleeds, chest pains, cat dying... And I feel myself getting closer to that stressed out state... but this year, I know it will end. I am pretty certain that come end-of-funding I will have options.
It's the options that both excite and terrify me. Some of these options may include going home, or very far away. I'm very conflicted about home. I'm sure anyone from a small town can relate. It's home; I miss it: I have life-long friends, it feels so comfortable - and that terrifies me. I am both drawn and repulsed by the idea of returning. It's kinda like government work; solid hours and funding, but somehow soul-sucking. To return would feel like failure. But how could that be?
I just don't know. It's best not to think about things. Just do.
So I started a new experiment. It's going to be way more involved than I first thought. It's only the first week and I am already exhausted. Too much on the To Do list and not enough time. My back hurts. Can't shut the brain down at night. I can tell my stress levels are up because my brain-voice is swearing a lot.
You know that crappy saying about the journey? It's about the journey, not the destination? I've always hated rollercoasters.
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