Long-list

Why do the perfect jobs always seem like they were invented by the writers of Twilight Zone? The old, black & white, Twilight Zone.

Here is the job of your dreams – except the building you would work in smells really bad.
Here is the job of your dreams – except you would have to give up good coffee.
Here is the job of your dreams – except it is the furthest possible distance on the planet from everything you value in your life.

So, I made a long-list. They asked for reference letters. Someone, a group of people actually, found me and my research interesting enough to ask for reference letters.

Huh.

I still find it weird, but I’m oddly okay with it. In fact, I’ve made a break-through on my research (life). I have a direction, and a vision, and I think I’m ready to implement it. I’m ready to have my own lab. I know the equipment I need. I have several projects for students to start on, and for me to write grants on. I once again (Hallelujah) know what I want! It only took one year, to get back on track. Oh, it’s about time! I’m abandoning my advisor's projects, and going rogue. It’s the only way. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done which has made me any progress in life; in fact, I don’t know why I even attempt to work with other people anymore, or see things any other way than my own. (insert Sinatra soundtrack here).
Done.
I’m back.

All you can hope for as a postdoc

I was at yet another conference this past weekend, and it reminded me that some academic circles make me feel happier than others. I do know what I want to do with this career, and while it’s a pretty tight niche, I have many people who are on my side supporting me.

I guess I’ve been unhappy lately partly because I’ve felt like I’m not respected for my skills. I’m not sure where this came from, other than it has happened historically to me. Sometimes there can be such a snobismus with respect to what you do in academia and how you’ve come to do it. Like academic lineages for example; ‘Oh, you were so-and-so’s grad student!’ or being theoretical vs. applicable. Being someone who put myself through Uni with a night job and lab tech’ed through grad school, I’m not much of a snob. I believe that hard work and good ideas, and a certain amount of luck will get you through in the end, but you know, I’m not completely right. It will get ME through in the end, but others clearly have alternative lifestyle strategies, like student who spend more time complaining to Profs about their grade than studying for the exam. But that's them.

Tomorrow I meet with my advisor and tell him how bored and frustrated I am. But it’s good, I’m over the emotion associated with being bored and frustrated and now it’s just time to get a move on with my life and this postdoc. I actually feel almost back to normal. I was invited for coffee last week by another new-ish postdoc, and that was a welcome break; a chance to hear someone else say all the things that have been going through my head. Tomorrow we have a guest speaker who was my TA back in undergrad. It’s starting to feel like I have a history in this biz. It feels good; dug in.