Starting over

I’ve recently started at a new University, which has a completely different culture from my last Uni. I feel like I’m a barnyard kitten someone has brought into the house: I have no idea what is appropriate and what furniture I can sit on.

I guess I can excuse myself for needing a few weeks to get myself into powerhouse mode, since I did just leave my entire life to start a new one, but I always forget how hard it is to start from scratch and gain that momentum. I remember my first year after the last career phase shift – it was the worst year of my life. I was so depressed some days I lay in bed thinking about dropping out, wondering how I was going to struggle through it all. But I did, and I survived, and I thrived. And I will again.

Tonight I went to the movies after work for a change from my usual routine of Home-Uni-Home-Uni-Home-Uni…you get the idea. The movie was okay, I wasn’t moved by the actors, or riveted by the plot, but it didn’t offend me with stupidity, so it was okay. And, in fact, I did get something out of it. In my blasé-ness for the characters, I left the theatre feeling pretty good about my life. I may not be doing wild and crazy, exciting, dramatic things on a day-to-day basis, but overall I’m no Lucy Jordan (reference to Marianne Faithfull song). I’m living in this new, vibrant city. I’m doing a postdoc in a great lab. I travel to conferences and I love what I do for a living. I won’t be here forever, and while the uncertainty of not knowing when and where I’ll end up is painful at times, it’s also exciting, and one day in my next new life, I’ll fondly reminisce about the time I had here.